First, it’s okay. Making a decision like this is hard and can be emotionally and mentally draining. You probably thought about this a lot, went through every other option, but when it comes down to it, this just isn’t working anymore.
You have to get a divorce. But how are you going to tell her?
You don’t want this to turn into a thing, a giant war where there’s screaming and crying, although crying will probably happen no matter what.
Short answer? There isn’t one good or bad way to tell someone you want a divorce. Every situation and person is different but by using a few of our tips you can make telling your wife that you want a divorce go a little smoother.
The most important step before saying anything to your wife is making sure this is really what you want. Sit down and have a real heart-to-heart with yourself about why you’re making this decision. You don’t want to decide you’re getting a divorce because of one argument or emotional reaction. It’s a big deal so you need to be sure this is really the best decision.
If you’re sitting there and thinking that maybe it isn’t, and if you still love your wife, then you should consider speaking to your wife about your concerns and seeing if there are ways you can work through the situation. Settling on divorce when you still love someone can leave you worse off after the divorce than before.
Having feelings of unfulfillment or unhappiness is completely valid and if your partner really loves you, they’ll be receptive to that conversation. If they aren’t, then maybe you’re correct in wanting a divorce.
Before you get up from the computer, march into the living room and tell your wife that you want a divorce, consider your life situation and the emotional state of your wife. Have you guys ever talked about divorce before? Will your wife be completely blindsided by this announcement?
Are you currently going through a big life change, such as a move or a new child in the family? All of these things, combined with the all-of-a-sudden announcement of divorce can make things ten times worse. Consider working through the life change before making a decision. It could be that you’re just stressed and overwhelmed with everything.
However, there are certain situations where you should tell them about your wants as soon as possible. These can include an abusive situation, a case of continuous infidelity or an impairment of one’s financial situation.
When you sit your wife down to tell her you want a divorce, be gentle but firm about what you want. Tell the honest truth about how you’re feeling and make sure she understands that both your and her feelings during this time are valid.
Be prepared for her reaction. She can have a myriad of feelings wash over her ranging from shock to sadness to anger. You need to be prepared to argue or at least go into deep discussion about how you came to this decision. Make sure your cellphone is away and off and you portray the amount of thought and consideration that went into this decision.
Try to frame the conversation in “I” statements rather than “you” statements so you don’t place blame on her, even if she has done some things wrong. It can be hard enough hearing the person you love doesn’t want to be with you anymore.
During your conversation, don’t talk about anything that has to do with the legal side of divorce such as child support, alimony, or diving of assets. You don’t ever want to start those conversations without trained professionals to assist you. Once you have the conversation with your wife and tell her you want a divorce, feel free to contact us on our website for further help.
Stay strong during your conversation. Be confident, tell the truth, stay prepared for the different ways the conversation can go, and telling your wife you want a divorce will go as smoothly as possible.